MapRead the article
Love = loss of self
You enjoy closeness, then feel a sudden need to create distance.
Open Code← All Code lists26 Codes
Relationship and Attachment Codes
The rules that shape closeness, distance, reassurance and self-protection
The same relationship can hold a conscious wish for closeness and an automatic rule that treats closeness, need or honesty as a risk.
Read the statements below to find a starting point. Some have an article you can read here; others open in Explorer, where you can test Codes from packs you own.
01
Closeness and exposure
Codes that make being known feel less safe as intimacy grows.
LoveCheck your access in Explorer
Distance = safety
Tests, overcontrols, or withholds openness to prevent anticipated hurt.
Open in ExplorerBetrayalCheck your access in Explorer
Closeness = betrayal
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerIntimacyCheck your access in Explorer
Closeness = exposure
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerLoveCheck your access in Explorer
Receiving love = exposure
Avoids clear emotional asks and defaults to protective patterns over direct connection.
Open in ExplorerReceiving MoneyCheck your access in Explorer
Receiving = exposure
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerDependenceCheck your access in Explorer
Independence = love
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in Explorer02
Loss and abandonment
Codes that prepare for separation before it happens.
LoveCheck your access in Explorer
Abandonment = my fault
Scans for signs of loss, seeks reassurance, and pulls back from direct vulnerability.
Open in ExplorerRejectionCheck your access in Explorer
Rejection = abandonment
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerAngerCheck your access in Explorer
Anger = loss of love
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerLoveCheck your access in Explorer
Boundaries = abandonment
Avoids clear emotional asks and defaults to protective patterns over direct connection.
Open in ExplorerAskingCheck your access in Explorer
Receiving help = loss of control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerReceiving CriticismCheck your access in Explorer
Criticism = rejection
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerLoveCheck your access in Explorer
Abandonment = inevitable
Scans for signs of loss, seeks reassurance, and pulls back from direct vulnerability.
Open in Explorer03
Receiving support
Codes that complicate need, help and interdependence.
MapRead the article
Asking for help = dependence
You wait until the situation is urgent before telling anyone you need help.
Open CodereceivingRead the article
Receiving = burden
Declining offers of support, payment, or help
Open CodeLoveCheck your access in Explorer
Receiving = trap
Tests, overcontrols, or withholds openness to prevent anticipated hurt.
Open in ExplorerLoveRead the article
Receiving = owing
Avoids clear emotional asks and defaults to protective patterns over direct connection.
Open CodereceivingCheck your access in Explorer
Receiving = weakness
Refusing financial help even when it would allow meaningful growth
Open in ExplorerDepressionCheck your access in Explorer
Support = unsafe
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerReceiving MoneyCheck your access in Explorer
Receiving = control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in Explorer04
Control and protection
Codes that use distance, tests or certainty to manage relational risk.
MoneyRead the article
Control = safety
You redo somebody else's financial task rather than let their method differ from yours.
Open CodeTrustCheck your access in Explorer
Trust = loss of control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerSafetyCheck your access in Explorer
Safety = control
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerBetrayalCheck your access in Explorer
Trust = loss of self
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerConsentCheck your access in Explorer
Consent = control loss
Avoids situations that would test this pattern directly.
Open in ExplorerContinue exploring